What is served at a 40-day memorial
What goes on the table, what is given, and what is prepared for those who can't stay.
Every family asks this, and the answers differ from village to village. Below is what is customary around Iași, as it is usually requested of us. It isn't church guidance — for that you ask the priest — but what, in practice, goes on the table.
Colivă and colaci, prepared by us
Real photos, from recent memorial meals.
Colac, braided and baked to order 
Colaci for a memorial meal 
Colivă, ready for the table
Colivă and colaci
Colivă is made from boiled wheat, sweetened and mixed with ground walnuts. It is placed on the table and shared out after the memorial service. Colaci — ring-shaped breads — are given to those who helped at the funeral and to close relatives; how many is decided within the family or according to the priest.
The meal itself
It begins with cold starters and soup, followed by a main course — usually sarmale or a roast, on non-fasting days — and ends with dessert. If the day is a fasting one, the same pattern is kept, with lenten dishes.
Strong drink isn't served in quantity: this is a memorial meal, not a party. Wine and water are customary.
The packages
Many of those invited can't stay for the meal — they're at work, they have a long drive, they have small children. Packages are prepared for them, with the same dishes, to take as they leave. They're best ready before people start getting up from the table.
How many people are invited
At forty days more people come than at any other memorial: relatives, neighbours, colleagues, people who couldn't make the funeral. It's the interval at which the number is most often underestimated. Better to prepare for a few extra.
Frequently asked
What families ask us
Can the meal be held at home?
Yes, that's the most common arrangement. We can cook and deliver to the address where the meal is held, if there isn't room at home to cook for that many.
What if the day falls during a fast?
The lenten meal is served. The pattern stays the same — starter, soup, main course, colivă and colaci — only the dishes change.
Who takes care of the colivă?
It can be made within the family, or we prepare it along with the rest of the meal. Most families prefer not to deal with it on those days.